upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
