Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
