The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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