Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
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