haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Randomize
