If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
