I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
