guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
