so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
God, I missed his penis.
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