I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
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