Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
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