I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
