Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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