well you can't waste a boner
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Randomize
