i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
