I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
