wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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