she looked like the bat from fern gully.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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