Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
