peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
