I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
