hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
