you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
