Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
