What did we do last night that was yellow?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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