both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
