8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
not ubering you a puppy
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
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