Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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