Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
