But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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