Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
