You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
