walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Boobs speak an international language.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
