I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
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