I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
