my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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