She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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