I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Randomize
