6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
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