Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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