the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
