his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
