I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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