oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Randomize