I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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