we're chasing vodka with high fives
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
