garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
