Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
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