What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
