...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
My first STD was from a foam party
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize