TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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