So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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