Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
now i know why i became what i already was.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
