It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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