i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
