i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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