Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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