he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
