Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Text me some of your sweat
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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