I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
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