She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
