I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
