If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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