Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
