That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
