I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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