it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
