This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
