OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
