I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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