Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Randomize
