it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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