There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
