I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
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