if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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