got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Randomize
